i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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