what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
