After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Congratulations! We have a period
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
