She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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