i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My balls are so social today.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
