Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
