I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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