I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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