Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
