Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
