We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
