Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
