Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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