No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
