i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
