why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
