i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
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I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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