I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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