just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
