If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
