forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
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they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
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Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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