I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
