I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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