Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
