I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
