So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Found the puke drawer
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
