6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
