Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
