Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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