I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
