Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
