So drunk, too bad you don't want this
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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