i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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