i just wanna soil my oats bro
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
