Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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