I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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