you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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