They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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