just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
