hotel room ftw
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
