Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
