I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
