i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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