He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
