Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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