Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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