Yo dont text me then not text me
honey bunches of taint.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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