I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
