Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Someone came in the potted fern
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
