And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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