I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm really busy with my period
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