Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
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Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
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I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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