i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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