just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
