Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
