3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
