Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
How's work?
Spinning.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
