This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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