I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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