rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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