So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
