I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
