My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
