I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
