I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
