If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
