Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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