Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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