Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
