Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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