so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
and you fell through a lawn chair
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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