So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
