At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
