Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
