My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
