He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
