My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
