im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Randomize
