Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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