Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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