there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
