Apparently you make a good broom.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
